Life as I am living it. Day three.

I'm feeling desperate.  I have failed yet again and it's no surprise.  I would like to think that this is as low as I can go, that me failing classes again and disappointing my parents AGAIN is it...but I know that it's not.  Soon, the lectures will begin.  The lectures that are all about why I failed, how I failed, that I am going down the wrong road, that I seem like I am on drugs, that there must be a bigger reason for my failure than that of me just being lazy.  THERE ISN'T ANOTHER REASON.  That's just it:  I am lazy.  I can't force myself to do anything productive.  I feel as if I fell right back into depression.  I keep thinking about how my life is going:  Horribly.  I am leaving this place, this University, this "life."  I am leaving behind the friends I have made, who have been by my side from day one.  I am leaving the one I adore & love with my whole heart so I can do better with my own life.  This is definitely the deepest pain I will have to endure.  I think about all of this daily and my head is buzzing with sadness and loneliness.  Is there any out?  Is there light at the end of the darkest tunnel?...because I'm in it and I don't see a light.  I would greatly appreciate a glimpse of hope!!  If someone would show sympathy, maybe a tid-bit of compassion on this poor soul, I would be forever grateful.  Let's face the truth, I have dug myself a deep hole and I have to find my own way out of it.  As I heard in the movie Black Swan:

"You are the only person standing in your way.  Lose yourself."

I feel like if I were to lose myself anymore, I would be officially lost.  Hopefully I can at least move out of my own way.  Maybe I am the obstacle blocking the little ray of light at the end of this hellish tunnel.  One can only hope.